Anonymous Ma

6000 miles away

The phone rings, it’s early morning

My heart thumps in my chest

Your voice so far- you speak through your tears

Panic rises, my throat closes, my heart beats faster.

“I’ve been raped Mum”

Time stops, colours, noises, everything is in sharp focus - “Are you okay?”

Then my thoughts start rushing - how can I get to you, how fast.

Practicalities - have you seen a doctor, the police - should you tell the police, I’m screaming internally, my heart bursting with the pain, everythings intense, I want to stop feeling.
I don’t want to hang up , I want to slip through the telephone wire to you - I want to touch you, hold you. We plan your return home ASAP and we hang up

an anger engulfs me, it encloses me, my voice is held in my throat -strangling me 

I slam my hand onto the kitchen counter and unlock the rage - Chris holds me and we cry - and then I clean, I scrub, the sinks, the floor, the toilet, the bath, I clean & Clean and silently scream.