My Poster Project

by Mariella

A trapped mind makes a trapped body and a trapped body makes your mind feel trapped. My body has been trapped in a psychosomatic ptsd response. Even though now I know that, my body has got used to working in a specific way, thinking it’s keeping me safe. So I’m trying to train it out of that which is a difficult thing to do. fear and anger show up in my body as tension and chronic pain.

I’ve been working with this for 4 years when I was raped. I felt I had to just carry on, but a few months later I got chronic pain in my arms so badly I was mostly bed bound not being able to use them.

It was extreme for a few years and it’s easing since learning how to work with my nervous system, how emotions effect your body and the other way round. I had always had a cut off and cruel relationship with my body and mind, in a way which is sadly normal. Until I had no choice of ignoring it anymore and the only way forward was to befriend my mental health.
I still struggle with ptsd and agrophobia feeding my body pain.

Being kind to my scared nervous system seems to be the only way to easy the physical sensations.

Over the years I’ve tried to keep up a bit of painting, I enjoy it to paint things I feel I can’t share because of the fear of being too depressing! If I can’t express feelings I get pain so it helps with that!